Breaking the cycle.

J and I both came from broken homes. They were broken in many senses. We both dealt with things that no child should have. We both had things to deal with as we got older, yet through it all, we were watched over.

In high school, we did an exercise in which we made a list of what we wanted our future spouses to be like. Years later, God showed me that person. We both were and still are not perfect, but our broken selves fit together. We are breaking the cycle. I am so thankful knowing that our babies are being raised in a home of love, comfort, and safety. I am so thankful that they have a chance to be children. I am so thankful that the boys have J to teach them. I am humbled by God's work in our lives.


As a mother I know that I can only do so much. I know that right now we are setting the foundation for how our boys will be as men. There is a large part of me that is excited to see who they will be and where they will go. There is another part of me that is scared to let my babies go. I know they will feel pain. I know they will feel scared. I know they will feel confused. There is nothing I can do to keep them from those things. All my mommy powers in the world cannot protect them from everything, but God will always be by their side. He will always hold them in the hollow of his hand.

God let his son come to our world knowing that people would hate him. He knew that people would mock and spit on his son. He knew that his son would be put through unimaginable pain for people who refuse to even acknowledge him. People who rather live a life now just as they want instead of living a live forever more beautiful than we can imagine. He knew all of this and let him come to us because of love. He let Jesus come to us because while temporarily losing his one son, he gained all of us. I could not do it. I could not watch my child suffer pain while people mocked him and ignored him for fleeting pleasures. I do know that God understands what my heart feels for our children because He went through so much worse than we ever will as parents. So, as I watch our boys grow in a house that is a home I am forever indebted to God for breaking the cycle.